The past year has been rather challenging for me and one of the toughest parts has been ending relationships. Not just romantic ones, but friendly ones. I feel like it's important to mention that in a world where we are constantly bombarded by the significance of romantic relationships. Although those relationships are important too, I'd have to say that the idea that we can't live fruitful lives without them is overrated.
As I reflected on how far I have come and the growth I've experienced on my journey, I realized if I hadn't experienced all those relationship failures (or lessons), then I wouldn't have gotten to know myself as much as I do now. If I'm being completely honest with myself, that would be a total loss, because the woman I am now compared to the girl that I was, is amazing. Even though I tend to be hard on myself, taking the moment to reflect on what I thought, believed, and reflected at a point in my life made me appreciate these relationships in a whole new light.
I learned what I do and do not agree with or believe in. I learned how I can be passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive. I learned how difficult it was for me to open up to friends and lovers. I learned to accept that having healthy relationships doesn't mean that they never end. I think that is also an idea that my generation is overcoming after seeing our parents and elders endure long-term relationships, even if we no longer see anything healthy about it, or if it leans more towards abuse.
I think what has been particularly challenging, not just for me, but for my peers is the idea that we are supposed to have life figured out in our 20s. Or that we should be in long-term romantic relationships or have a clearly defined career path, when the truth of the matter is, we are living in a completely different world than our parents did. It is our duty to discover the best way to navigate this new world so that we can offer the wisdom of our learning to the next generation, maybe our children if we choose to have any, and their world will be different from ours just as well. That is life, evolution.
I feel as if very few if any adults encouraged us to pave our own way and have faith in ourselves to see it through. For the most part, many of our parents or elders lived a life of survival and doing what they believed was necessary to get by, to make it. My generation or millennials are the antitheses of this lifestyle of survival. We want to enjoy life, pursue our dreams and fulfill a vision embedded deep within our hearts and souls. More often than not, it feels as if we are somehow disappointing or disrespecting our parents or elders who cannot imagine doing the same. They want us to play it safe, not always to kill our dreams, but because they want us to be secure.
But what is security? What is it based on?
If we go based on the dictionary definition, one meaning is based on our safety, being safe from harm. I think it's safe to say that this pandemic has shown us that the same system we relied on for security is insecure itself. These insecurities were revealed in personal health, finances, and careers to name a few areas.
Is it safe to say that security has less to do with what or who we pursue in love and our careers, but more to do with our mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing?
The world around us is affected by known and unknown factors, controllable and uncontrollable variables. Our world is based on our own day-to-day thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors and I feel as if there is security in knowing that no matter what goes on outside of you, there is something inside of you that is untouchable and how you create a safe space for your internal being makes all the difference.
I say all this to say, life has a rhythm to it, it goes in cycles and when you become aware of and in tune with your own rhythm and cycle, you have a greater appreciation and understanding of the inevitable losses that we all experience. I've come to see that relationships are our greatest teachers. We cannot avoid them if we want to learn, work or experience intimacy.
We must learn how to relate to others and how we ourselves relate, that is the basis of the word, relationship. There are times when it is smooth sailing. Times when it is turbulent waters and hopefully, only an occasional Titanic or Poseidon. The latter experiences teach us the value of knowing when to jump ship or even how to swim when we weren't prepared to get in the lifeboat.
I hope these insights help you grow in awareness this week.
Peace, Love & Revolution,