Martin Ain't the Only One Dreaming
Updated: Jan 20, 2022
God woke me up around 2 in the morning. I had only been to sleep for about 2.5 hours, and I kept hearing a ringing in my left ear. I know from my research that this ringing in my ear is a sign to pay attention and listen to the message coming through me. Your left side is your feminine side, your receptive side. It is no coincidence that we are about to experience the full moon in Cancer. Cancer is the sign of feelings and intuition, so the fact that I could not sleep as this message came through makes sense.
I had woken up from a dream turned nightmare. I recall being on a ship and men falling or jumping off into the water. As I started to write it out to interpret it, I got the visual of Freud's iceberg with the conscious and the subconscious mind. I thought to myself, the water is symbolic of the unconscious mind. The ship is the conscious mind.
My dreams have a tendency to jump from scene to scene. In one, I remember seeing my old best friend Samantha in my backyard and a guy I used to work with standing there with her. My mom came into the room when I signaled for Samantha to come closer so my mom would not notice him. After she left, I closed the door and the window rather anxiously. It then registered in my mind that my mom felt more comfortable with my female friends than my male friends. I would try to hide them and my affiliation with them as a result. It dawned on me that my mistrust for the opposite sex does not come from me. The reaction my mother had to boys around me fueled this internal conflict. It made me feel ashamed of and worried about this natural attraction to and desire to be connected with the opposite sex.
Even in the dream, I remember closing the door and feeling frightened to some degree that I was almost caught. I am surprised that I still feel this way after introducing my mom to a few guys I was dating before, but it shows how deep emotion can bury itself. My mom gave me the impression at a young age that I needed to watch out for men…that I was not safe with them.
I wonder where she got that idea herself…
Nonetheless, if I had kept on sleeping, I would’ve had another dream and totally forgotten about this one and missed the message. Not to mention the pain radiating from the right side of my hip, but we will get into that soon.
In another scene of my mental movie, I was walking down my block, and I saw one or two other people cross my path. One of them was an old neighborhood friend, and then I thought to myself to go to the supermarket. I had to be confused because I passed it and kept going in the opposite direction. I ended up walking into complete darkness in a small field next to the train station. My fear of darkness caused me to run through it. Because I could not see, I started to fight my way through it, preparing to be attacked. I began to move as if there was someone or something to fight and then I woke up.
I realized that as I am in a dark time in my life, God is asking me to stop running from it, to stop being afraid of the darkness because there is no boogeyman there. The boogeyman is a made-up entity created to make us fear the dark so that we would be afraid of ourselves, afraid to look within. I mentioned before that I saw men jumping or falling into the water, and maybe the fact that I do not remember which it was, is an indication that I can either take the leap or be pushed into it. Regardless, water is the subconscious, and that is a dark place to be, but we all have to go there to be clear about who we are, for better or worse. I realized we have to learn to be ok with being unseen. We have to be ok with working things out in the dark where the only one who can see us do the work is God.
I finished writing a story today, and I searched for a quote to express the story's message. I came across one that said, "When you are in tune with the unknown, the known is peaceful.” I did not use that quote, but I felt it would clarify this message. The unknown is the darkness, and for some odd reason, we are discouraged from believing in the paranormal. There are those of us who still believe that when we turn off the lights, there is some imminent presence lurking in the depths creeping in closer and closer to get us.
Isn’t that strange?
Hey, there is something in the dark waiting to get you that just appears once the lights are out, but magic, the supernatural, or the paranormal are just fantasy and fiction.
Last night when I meditated, I heard that I needed to focus on my personal talents so that God could bless me out of the cycle of poverty. Since I was a child, I have always researched ways to become rich. Yesterday, I watched a video about a woman who became extremely successful in FOREX. But only because she asked God if she was simply chasing money or doing what she had been called to do. I know I have been called to write, tell stories, and orate, but also to embrace my power as a psychic, as someone who understands life deeply from the spiritual to the physical. But I have been conditioned to live from my physical understanding to gain spiritual awareness, and it does not work for me.
As I contemplated getting back into FOREX because of how lucrative it is, I had to ask myself, when am I going to stop going at life backwards?
When am I going to start pursuing life from the need to fulfill my spiritual self to reap the benefits of living a physical life?
When will I learn that it has to be for the glory of God before I can be successful?
I realized I was overcome by fear that my life as a writer and speaker would not sustain me and my lofty dreams, that it would take too long, and I would have to struggle. It has more to do with my lack of faith and the negative beliefs about following a path that no one else in my family has. Being the first is tough. I believe that is why God woke me up in the middle of the night to write this. When you truly submit to God’s will for your life, you will be called to do the unexpected at unexpected times. The consequences of not doing it are far more costly than doing it when it seems least convenient.
I hope I did not lose you. What I am looking to convey is that we all have a calling. When and where will we be called to fulfill our duties? Only God knows. What I do know, is that God is challenging me to use my gifts right now. The ability I have been given to tap into the spiritual realm is what makes me a great writer, poet, and speaker. The claircognizance (clear knowing), clairaudience (clear hearing), or clairvoyance (clear vision) that I experience is not for me and my selfish desires. It is so that people remember that God is real and lives through me just as much as God lives through you.
Before I end up telling you another story, I wanted to touch on the pain in my hip when I woke up from my dream. This pain was in the right side, my masculine side, and I know that all physical symptoms occur from metaphysical issues, so I looked up the meaning of hip pain, and boy, was I read my rights.
I read an article on the Spirituality and Health website, and here were the first words I saw: “The hips are connected to the energy center that governs creativity. The spiritual meaning of hip pain can also be tied to old memories, traumas, and uncomfortable emotions like shame.”
Just last night I wrote a poem, and one of the things I mentioned in my poem was how shame weighs us down. Not to mention I was constipated, which is also a sign that there is something that I am struggling to release. I woke up with a ringing in my left ear, on my feminine side, and a pain in my hip on the right, or masculine side, and dreamt about this fear of men through my own mother’s fear. These connections were allowing me to make the connection. Then this article spoke about how hip pain relates to the mother wound, WOW!
It mentioned in the article how we are eggs inside of our mother's womb when she is a fetus in our grandmother’s womb. I found it powerful to read because I know epigenetic trauma or trauma that our ancestors experienced gets locked into the DNA and passed down is just as relevant. Just imagine, whatever your grandmother went through affects you just as much as if you were in your own mother's womb.
It makes me wonder, why do I feel this pain now?
Was this the age that my grandmother conceived my mom?
Were my grandmother and I growing through the same changes at this age?
I have many questions, yet my only way of knowing is to talk to my mother so she can bring it to my awareness. That is if she chooses and her knowledge of her mother is limited because we all keep things to ourselves. Beyond that, I know I need to continue to connect with my grandmother spiritually through prayer and meditation. One way or the other, it is work, and it is work that needs to be done by so many of us.
Here is the link to the article I read: The Spiritual Meaning of Hip Pain | Spirituality & Health (spiritualityhealth.com)
There is an internal struggle that I and the rest of us need to make peace with. Ultimately, uniting my masculine and feminine energy without fear or shame is vital. The narratives and energies that I carry within my womb are not mine but impact my consciousness and ability to connect daily. As for the old memories, trauma, and shame that the article spoke about, I can recall one memory that I kept ignoring: a fellow church member compared me to Jezebel. I was at a Christian convention and eager to connect with the boys because I was deprived of the opportunity to appreciate and be supported through this natural life occurrence. Her comment and comparison were made over a decade ago, and it still runs through my mind causing me to feel as if something is wrong with me, though I know it is not. I have to confront those feelings and the scar it left on me and that is the hard part.
Whatever it is you keep putting off because of fear, let this be a message to you. Face it and have faith in yourself because faith in yourself is faith in the Creator who made you, and that will always lead you to the truth.
Peace, Love & Revolution,